I visited another church last week and encountered something that troubled me. Since I am known at this church and get along well with the pastor there, I dropped him a note after a short discussion on the day of the visit. Am I meddling or trying to be helpful? My intentions were to be helpful and his response told me that he understood my heart. I removed the specifics from this post to keep the identity of his church between us. He is one of the best pastors I have sat under and has a real heart for his community. But we all have our blind spots. Myself included.
Brother Paul,
I hope I didn’t cause too much of a ruckus this Sunday, or perhaps I’m glad I did. Let me see how this shakes out before I commit to one or the other.
We got to church as it was beginning and as the singing was going on I really missed that coffee selection you guys offer. Since the music was kinda lagging a bit, I got up to get a cup and went to the back. I was shocked at just how many guys were just standing around conversing with each other. Were they all ushers? Impossible. Were they the security team? That’s a LOT of guys unless you’re under siege or something.
I went to the coffee bar and one of them offered to help me find a cup. Super nice guy, and a servant to what he perceived to be a visitor. I mentioned that there was a worship service going on and he said that the music just doesn’t really do it for him. I responded that we are being transformed into better worshipers, but as I did so, I noticed that I was also in the back of the church to get some caffeine.
Some churches refer to their musicians as the “worship team” which I utterly reject. The worship team consists of those who are worshiping. I suppose you could say that it is the people who are inviting the people to join them in worship. To participate in it. Thus, everything that goes on during a service is worship. Everything in life is worship. The passing of the offering bucket is worship. Engaging with the sermon is worship. Greeting those around you is worship.
Leading your family is worship.
Standing at the back and laughing with your friends while the rest of the congregation engages with God is… worship. Maybe it’s serving the latecomer. Maybe it’s enabling the guy getting coffee. Maybe it’s choosing a different path than the one the elders have chosen. Maybe it’s something that needs to be addressed. Perhaps it requires some repentance.
Luke 10:38-42 is the most optimistic example I could think of in my brief encounter.
Having said that, I continue to pray that God would raise up manly musicians in your church to engage with the congregation. And that they would assume a leadership role. It is quite likely that the final decisions of the music team are made by women. That is not to say that women are unable to lead music. But the tentative pacing of the songs and the choices in what songs to set the tone for the entire service is off-putting for the men in the back.
Men are doers. Men are supposed to be leaders. It’s more than eating some squirrel and opening doors for women. The greatest man who ever lived turned over tables and fashioned a whip of cords over improper worship. At that time the people were being taken advantage of, which underscores disbelief that God would judge them. Today’s scoffers don’t think it’s that big a deal if they take a seat in the back once the “real” worship begins.
Masculinity is not defined by our culture. Masculinity is defined by the word of God. By going “all in” with Jesus. By throwing yourself upon the mercy of God. By craving to know more of what these promises mean.
I call your church my “church away from church” which is another way of saying that I am not a member. My opinions matter, but not as much as those of a member. But I love your church and it pains me to see guys loitering about while their wives worship without them, especially my friend. I called him out on that yesterday, by the way.
It is my habit of not throwing out criticism without offering a solution. Maybe that is just meddling, I don’t know. But here goes.
- Pray that God would raise up a masculine musician to oversee the ministry.
- Until then, assign an elder to oversee it. That is the job of an elder, ultimately.
- Spend time in the Psalter. What God says to sing about ought to influence what we sing about.
- Anyone lingering because they don’t like the over-feminine worship needs a swift kick in the butt. They can be part of the solution.
- Some of your people need an Alpha style class. Some need Christianity 201. You offer the depth and God will provide all the width you can handle.
I say all of this with great love for you and for the people of the church, which I include myself to a lesser degree. We attend there every time we spend a weekend in town, so you will see more of us. It’s not your job to police the narthex. It’s the role of overseers to encourage these guys to engage. And it’s the role of overseers to provide worship in all phases that invite everyone in at a spiritual level.
As the men go, so goes the family.
Yours because His,
Doug McHone
