The First Annual CoffeeSwirls Awards!

Welcome to the First Annual award show for things that make you go, “Huh?” You know, you thought you were getting a good deal but then the truth was revealed. “You mean like that Farmer’s Insurance commercial?” Yes. Like that Farmer’s Insurance commercial. Bum Da Dum Bum Bum Bum Bum. I would call this the Festivus Airing of Grievances if I were on time for Festivus. I just learned that Festivus is on December 23. I saw it on Wikipedia, so you know it is trustworthy.

Other organizations have “Best Of” awards and some have “Worst Of” awards. This is a post highlighting some of the “Worst Of” companies that drive me crazy. Your product is bad. And you should feel bad.

The nominees for the “Worst Of” are:

1. Apple for their iMessage program that does not deliver group messages to non-idevices. Way to foster peace on earth! My messaging program is littered with undownloadable messages from my church and from my daughter’s volleyball coach. I have no idea when the next practice is! Your practices are divisive, requiring that one must use an iDevice in order to be a participant in the group discussion or be left out in the cold.
2. Amazon for restricting your video service from Android Devices other than your own Fire products. If you don’t want to sell Chromecasts or Google Nexus Players, that’s your (ill advised) decision. But people are paying good money for your prime service, and you sell it as a music/video service in addition to free shipping. You should provide full disclosure about your restrictions in your advertisements. But you won’t. Because you want people to be interested in your product. And don’t tell me your services are incompatible with Android. FireOS is your own fork of Android.
3. The Green Bay Packers for peaking in the first six games of the year, then letting the wheels fall off your season. Was it the loss of Jordy Nelson? Was it the lack of desire from Eddie Lacy? To make it worse, your record does NOT reflect the quality of your team now! You’re going to play to win the division next weekend. If you win, you will have 11 wins on the season. And nobody is afraid of you! Perhaps the regular season games should be weighted so the later games matter more in seeding than early games. I love you guys, but I don’t want to watch your wild card game. I just can’t bear it. You don’t belong in the post season, and that will be evident before halftime of your wildcard game.
4. Both Costco and Sam’s Club for allowing DirecTV representatives to pounce on your customers as they walk by. Have you ever heard of the difference between Push and Pull Marketing? People buy memberships to your stores so they can have access to the deals inside. We like to browse the offerings you have as we find the deals on our own. We do not want to have some sales person jump out at us asking about our television watching. It’s off putting. Do you have any idea how uncomfortable it is to dress up as an Amish man just to visit your store?
5. Star Wars: The Force Awakens was a great movie, but… I’ll have to air my grievances a little bit later to avoid spoiling it for anybody. Let’s just say we all would be better off if JJ Abrams had ever watched professional wrestling in the ’70s and ’80s.

Thanks y’all. My palate is cleansed and I am ready for a new beginning in 2016!